I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.

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Feeling: Calm. Loving my life.
Eating: Um... life?
Drinking:Dasani water
Wearing: Jeans, black tank top with built in bra, lavender panties, eith a little sleeping kitty on them, my claddagh, green choker and matching earrings, contacts, vestiges of the day's make-up, black belt.

Listening to:
*Hummmmrumblerumblerumble* It's my washing machione making contented noises.
Chatting with:
Keeping my own counsel.
Thinking: "I need to concentrate on my posture more."
Remembering: Dave's tongue ring.
Glad for: My ability to move past fear into growth.

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Today is: 2002-04-02 - @ 12:19 p.m.
I'm sorry

all time - is relative
I am a selfish person. People never say I am, well except for my dad, but he dosen't count, he is a dick and tries to hurts me. But I am a selfish person. Not in a matirealistic sense, hell if it is mine, have some of it, I don't care, but in a worse sense. I am selfish about people. People and the attention they give me. It is easy for me to get over an actual breakup with a guy, but when he starts dating again, it is like "Get thee to a Prozac!" I fish for complements, I flirt, I tease. I am a horrid person. I know even now, on some level, I am writing this for attention, so someone will say, "Ahh, poor girl, your not that bad, here let me hold you and shower you with attention." One of my worst nightmares is being completely alone. Or worse, everyone just completely ignores me. I could streak through the streets in just my Daisy Dukes, and no one notices. I am nobody. I hate being like this. I don't want to be such a horrible person. And even when I am not searching for attention, I am being cruel to someone. Snapping at them, belittleing them, making me the bigger person. I am so horrid to people, even to my boyfriend and best friends, who I love dearly. I just can't help it sometimes, cruel comments come leaping out, and they get that hurt look in their eyes, or in their voice, and I feel even worse. You wanna know what the worst part is? They always forgive me. They always accept me back in, treat me the same, love me the same. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve Craig, I don't deserve Peter, I don't deserve Ariel. I wish you, the person reading this, if anyone ever does, could know how wonderful these people are. Craig is sucha beautiful being, so loving and true and whole and everything I wishI could be. And he got stuck with me for a girlfriend. me. Peter, god, don't get me started on Peter. I abused that boy till there was no tommorow, and he still treated me with love. I wish I was like him. He deserves someone who could care enouh about him and have enough self control not to lash out. Ariel.... Ariel is my best friend, and a better one no one could ever hope for. Such a creative, bright, mature, beautiful, shining girl is rarely found, and even rarer do you find one saddled with such a friend. I'm sorry everyone.


all time - is relative

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